Blah

I am feeling very flustered today, and I am not sure how to describe how I feel. I first started my day off with waking up at 6 am, to find out that I was 30 minutes off from catching Jerry online. Then I realize I am late for work. I was totally not aware that it was Wednesday, and I was scheduled to work today. Good thing someone from work texted me to remind me. On my drive to work, I was just yelling at myself. I was 40 minutes late, what a great way to start the day. While I was at work, I find myself reflecting on all the things I have done this year. I have also reflected on myself, and also the people around me.

Throughout the years, I have learned that I don't really have many people I can call my "good friend." There are only a few I can count so far, and they complete me in different ways. I won't say who, but if they ever read this blog, they will know exactly who I am talking about. These people will always be the honest ones to me, telling me how it is. These people will be the ones that will listen to me, and give me a genuine shoulder to lean on. These people see right through my smile, and already know what's in my mind. I feel like I haven't really given them the proper thank you for being in my life, but I know one day I will get the chance to. 

Anyways,

Blogging has helped me get through this deployment so far. I can read back my thoughts and also see how far I have come.  I know this is only the second month since he left, but it already feels like forever and a day ago. For a year, I didn't go more than a month without seeing him, so I am hanging on to bare thread. I used to be able to how my day was, my thoughts and goals with him on the phone every night before I went to bed. I used to be able to call him on my break, or at least text him. I used to be able to just goto sleep to the comfort that he is safe, and wake up to know that he is still here. But now that he is not here, I really haven't had a "thought outlet." I find myself opening up to my mom more, but its just not the same. Times like right now, I just wish I can pick up my phone and give him a call. But the next best thing is to pick up the phone and scroll to the one voice message he left a week ago. I don't know when is the next time I will get to talk to him, and it is frustrating. There isn't much I can do but to wait until May. I will be one happy girl when I am finally in his arms again. I can't wait to move down there already <3